Thats exactly how I have been feeling for the last few weeks. I battle with the thoughts that God is so tired of me messing things up and not really following him that he is thru with trying to deal with me. I mean, I was a screw up at HA, and im just screwing up my life. Im not where I should be in God and I dont know how to get close to him anymore. My heart is broken and I feel so disillusioned with my life. I keep on being on and off about the whole bible college thing. Part of me really knows that I ahould be there and part of me isnt ready to deal with all the junk that will be uncovered in my life. I never realized how strong the grip of depression was on me until now.
I remember back in the day when I would be struggleing with something and there were people in my life that would basically pull me out... forget throwing me a lifesaver, I needed rescueing! And now, I feel like I have swam so far out into the deep end that there's no one that God will send to help pull me back in. I dont like feeling this way, but it is what it is.
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ReplyDeleteDon't worry so much about the past. The Lord is only concerned with how you life your life right now and into the future. If following his path was so easy, everyone would do it. I can't say that I know how you're feeling, but I'm always here to help if you need it. He gives us caring friends and family to help us along each and every journey.
ReplyDeleteYour best days are ahead of you! God's blessings are there for you to grasp, but first you have to let go of the stuff you are holding onto. I know that in your weakness, in the strength of CHRIST, you can. His strength is at the end of yourself, when you know you can't do it.
ReplyDeletePraying for you! You are a daughter of the KING, girl, live it! :-)