Group Instructor Life

As a Zumba Fitness instructor, I pride myself on creating an atmosphere conducive to my students exercising with full confidence and sass. My goal is to always create an energetic space which allows everyone to be free with their movements and have an enjoyable experience regardless of size, coordination or disability.

Nobody wants to feel like the world is watching them when they are sweating their ass off in a group fitness room. Nor can they feel comfortable letting loose when they are in the room with a boring instructor who is so focused on themselves and how they look in the mirror rather than how their class is doing. One thing I’ve learned teaching Zumba fitness for the past 7 years is that if I'm not having fun. my class isn't either.

I am proud of the fact that I am a plus size Zumba fitness instructor. There have been times I have walked into my class and just mingled with the new folks before the class without them even knowing I was the instructor. I love it when I see their faces change when they realize that the big girl they were just talking to is about to teach the class. 

With that being said, I have had times where students have approached me after class and said “You know, I had already counted you out when I saw that you were the instructor but, your class is amazing”. I used to let comments like that get to me but then I started looking at my class numbers steadily increasing and realized that I am great at what I do, no matter my size.

I've heard people judge others by saying “There's nothing to be proud of when you’re overweight”. Hearing comments like that used to cut me to my core until I came to the realization that the type of people saying such things have more than likely never dealt with severe/morbid obesity. They may have saw it kill a loved one or negatively impact their life, but have never been obese themselves. 

Judgement had never produced positive results. If I let judgement rule my life 10 years ago, I would have never stepped foot into my first Zumba Fitness class in Orlando, FL. Because of that first class, I  met one of the most inspiring instructors and mentors of my life. Three years later, when I moved back to Jacksonville, I met two more inspiring instructors that encouraged me to get my Zumba license. Now seven years later, I am paying it forward and inspiring and encouraging my students.

So I want to inspire and encourage those who read this. I want you to know that your fitness goals matter, group fitness classes are not scary as you may think they are and that confidence comes in all shapes, sizes and abilities. So get out there, be great and dance till the pounds come off! I’ll be there right with you!

Relationship Defective

Well, here we are ... 2016, The guy that I so eloquently wrote about in my last two blogs turned out to be a deceitful asshole, so there's that. And now im onto the next relationship with a man that is totally not that. But of course, what does Sharonda do? She becomes a self sabotaging bitch! Its like im my own relationship double agent. Last night, he finally had enough with my attitude and called me out on it and we talked. Mainly he did the talking and I listened and then created my own narrative as to what he said. Needless to say,it has brought me to where I am right now.... Sitting at the dining room table in the dark at almost 4 in the morning, trying to type out my feelings. I can stop thinking about how defective I am when it comes to relationships. Which makes me question if im really built to be in a relationship.... I think I need to come with a warning label.

Single without children.

Well... I'm 35 years old. Never married and never have been pregnant. 
Confession time: I have been dating this very awesome guy for over 10 months, and to be honest, we have been very careless about our methods of birth control. I have spoken with him about our choices and wanted to basically let him know that as adults we both need to understand the risks we are taking when we are sleeping together and not using birth control. And for about a week, we went back to using condoms but that didn't last at all. 
Now lets go back a few weeks... I asked this gentleman what was going on between us because this was my attempt to do a litmus test on where he sees this relationship going. And his answer to me was very blunt and matter of factly. He told me that he does not share the same feelings for me as I do for him. Translation: he likes me but doesn't love me. Don't get me wrong. he said some other stuff but I honestly blacked out and didn't hear any of the rest of the conversation. 
So here goes... Last time we slept together, we didn't use protection and its now two weeks later and I am due to start my period any second now and there is a part of me that actually wants to be pregnant. Not to trap him into a relationship with me or anything like that. Hell, my mom took care of me and my big brother by herself and we came out ok. And she did it without being on the "System". 
Now for many many years I have had my future children names already down... Samantha Makenzie, Victoria Oreon Denae & Joshua Scott. Well just yesterday morning, I was up and thinking about the possibility of being with child when another name came to me that I had never thought of..... Justice Renee. 
I was talking to one of my good friends when she said something to me that made me think. She said our children pick us... I question that to an extent because why would any child choose to have a mom that abuses them or finds a man more important than caring for their own child. But at any rate, this is the only way I can explain this new name that came to me. Oh well We will find out in a week or so.

The Woes Of Being In Love

So, I've only been in love twice. It hurt both times when each relationship ended. But of course hindsight is 20/20 and I found that I had some faults within the relationship that helped facilitate its quick demise. Now im on to "In Love" relationship number 3 and truthfully, this relationship scares me more than any other ones I have proclaimed my love for.

I don't know. Maybe those other relationships were not truly love. Maybe they were a figment of my imagination. I do know one thing... It scares the shit out of me that I have fell in love with this man so much so that I don't want to be without him. That I want to be his wife, that I want to have his kids. That I want to have his first son and watch him teach him everything he knows about baseball and take him out to do fun "father/son" things. All this and im scared that I am the only one that wants this in our relationship. I know hes not there yet like I am. He has been down this love road before with some not so good results. And while I believe with all my heart that I could be the one... what if he does not think that I am the one?

I ment to wait at least 6 months before I actually told him that I loved him. However, I ended up professing my love to him at month 4 accompanied with a letter explaining my feelings, trying to appeal to his intellect and not come off as some lovesick puppy or a petulant young girl that does not know what love really is.

Aside from this little issue, I also find myself in yet another relationship with a man that is not fully emotionally and physically available. I don't blame anyone but myself for this situation. Im a big girl and I take full responsibility for relationships, good, bad, or indifferent that I engage in. But I constantly ask myself this question. "Am I settling for a man because I'm worried that I will be alone for the rest of my life?" In this particular case, the answer is no! Its "no" for  couple of reasons. One being that I have become more seasoned in my quest for love and I know what I want from a man and what I am willing to concede to within a relationship.

Simple put... My desperation for love ended when I came to the realization that only I can make myself happy. Because when its all said and done and he may choose to jump ship, I will still be content with who I am.


... Are you content with who you are?

You make me wish I had more than 2 middle fingers.

Fact: Im in love!
Fact: He loves me!
Fact: We aggravate the hell out of each other.

And you know what our biggest issue has become?

FACEBOOK!

Yes, the dreaded FB post has been the Bane of my existence. It has gotten so bad that I cant even post something without him texting me within a few mins.

My usual reply: "My FB doesn't revolve around you hun"
What I really want to say: "Well babe, if the shoe fits, slide that bad boy on and walk that shit out!"

Im not saying that I am not in the wrong. I know what I do. However, I am still on this tip about why its such a damn big deal to him. So now I am back to blogging because my FB page is not safe to express how im really feeling without someone getting butthurt.

I swear that I feel like the man in the relationship sometimes.

Oh and baby, if you happen to find this blog, nobody that reads this knows who you are nor is attached to my FB to figure it out and I am posting because its my blog and if im not allowed to vent to by girlfriends, then I should be able to vent on here and  you not catch a bitchfit.

An Ex is an "Ex" for a reason.

Oh my gawd! Kill myself. I am getting so aggrivated by my ex. It's like he dont get that if im being quiet, its best that he do the same thing and leave me the hell alone. Im so gonna need him not to talk to me like im one of his kids... That ish is not cool and im gonna have hell in me one day and let my bitch hair down. That is all.

Get a match... Light a torch... Burn the boats!

I was recently compelled to look up the term "Fear of Success" because I am trying to figure out whats really holding me back from my dreams of becoming a performer/actor. I read about when the Ancient Greeks would arrive on enemy shores, their first command would be to burn the boats, leaving them stranded on strange enemy land with only two choices... Victory or Die! 


So I have decided that if this is going to be my last year in Orlando before I go back to living a "normal" life then I sure as hell better be able to say that I did everything I could and knocked on every single door before I "Die". Im going to get together a modeling portfolio, hone my acting skills and sing and dance my ass off. 


I see it like this... If I cant make it in Orlando... then I might as well give up L.A.


So while im here in Orlando... Please know that I have burned my boat! I either become an actress/performer or "die" and get a regular job.

Time...... Healing

"It has been said, 'Time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.

-Rose Kennedy

I am in need of healing.

I await the scar tissue.

I need the pain to lift.

I want to be whole again.

I dont want to be jaded.

I want my smile back.

I want the happiness to be real.

I open my heart to growth.

Take me to that place!

I am a dancer.

Who are we? We are dancers.

It’s not our size that determines if we are to dance nor is it our shape that gives you the right to say yay or nay.

Because we dance to be free, to give you new ways to see.

We break down those horrible stereotypes that cause you to say.

Oh she’s too big! But she’s too short! Stop lookin at it that way.

Because the true beauty is within our movements, as we liberate ourselves from sorrow anguish and defeat.

The box is now broken, ceiling… torn off! There is nothing left for you to stop not even our, passion, drive and heart.

So who are we again? We are dancers, with our attitudes pirouettes, step-ball-change and hop…

Who are we you ask, we are dancers now lets take it from the top.

By Sharonda Denise Bruton

Imprinted for life!

I was given the opportunity to speak to my church's youth group this past saturday. I was given the topic of holiness. So with only about 3 days to get something together, I cracked open my bible and ran thru my honor academy notes and went to work. Little did I know that while I was getting this sermon together. I really was preaching to myself. I am in awe as to how God likes to operate because as I was going thru my notes, I started looking back at my Fasting LTE papers and notes and I remember doing a little fill in the blank that read " I must _______ or I will die on the inside" and my fill in the blank read " I must be a speaker or I will die on the inside.". That has been my conviction for a long time, but I have been very successful in ignoring it. But even in that case, what God has imprinted in me, I cannot be silent about.

Jeremiah 20:7-9

Happy to be...

Single... Sexy... Funny... Flirty... And just ME!

I am finally in a place where I have the freedom to do the things that some have only dreamed of. I have been presented with two opportunities to do something really cool in the fall... Im excited!

1: I am still waiting on the status of my internship application with Growing Leaders. If accepted, I will be in Atlanta for fall, and take a few online classes at my college.

(if option 1 does not happen)
2: I will be going down to Orlando, Fl and auditioning for Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights. If I get the job as a scareactor, I will take some part time classes at my college and live in Orlando for 2 months while doing HHN. Mo Money! Mo Money! Mo Money!

I wanna save up my cash for my 30th birthday that I am already planning for. Im thinking of having a theme party, but im not sure the theme yet. Afterwards im taking a vacation to either Cali or Orlando for a week. Because thats how I roll!

I dont know what else to say other than.... Its a good time to be me!

I keep forgetting to stand in the middle of the door before they can slam it in my face.

Audition Woes!!!!

So I went to audition at the Alhambra Dinner Theater and I think I did pretty well however The director told me that it would be hard to cast me because im a big girl... This isn't something new to me... I have heard this for a while, but the sting feels the same no matter who it comes from. I am not in any way swayed by this... There are some big girls out there that are acting up a storm.... there were two of them in "Hairspray". So all im going to do is find my niche. I know I have a lot to offer and thats what im going to do is offer me!
Sharonda Denise Bruton will be a name to remember and for all the good reasons!

Luck Has Nothing To Do With It!

Well its been a while... A whole lot has happened and is happenieng. Finally my life has kinda winded down so I could have the chance to update all my friends. First off I auditioned for a new dating reality show... Im hoping to God that I get the chance to be on the show... In the meantime, I have two theater auditions this week. One for the Alhambra Dinner Theater... Im auditioning for "Annie" and then Im gonna audition for the musical "Hair" with Player By The Sea Theater. Wish me luck guys! im really excited about the opportunity
Love....Peace...And Hairgrease!

It's Been A While.... Spritual Life

So within the past few months me and God have been on another "break". I'm not ashamed to say it because this is where I am at right now. There is a lot of hurt and downheartedness that I am trying to process through. I am so sick and tired of being fake, of acting like my spiritual life is all together. I am sick of being around people that are playing the "fake-it" game with the world just to hide that they are human. I am willing to say to all that listen that I am who I am.

So I have been running away from the altar at my church. What I mean by that is this... Most christians understand when there is an altar call at most churches where God is truly moving that when you go up there for prayer that the power of God is going to meet you there. I mean this is the whole reason why the veil to the Holy of Holies was torn in two in the first place, so that we can have a direct connection to God. And the reason that I have been running is because I have been dealing with a spirit of rejection.... scratch that it has been dealing with me. I have been away from the church that I grew up in for 5 years. I just returned last year in September and have been trying to shake the feeling that I was not wanted there. So every time there has been an altar call, my spirit man has wanted to be up there and be free but my flesh has wanted to just sit there because I didnt want to endure the embarrassment of feeling like no one cared enough to pray for/with me at the altar.

A very important woman in my life, my God-Mother has encouraged me to write. And as hard as it is for me to get my thoughts onto paper, im going to give it a try. This is all in hopes that my friends, family and even strangers will read my writings and see that they aren't alone.

I've recently been torn by a calling I feel has been placed on my life. I have wanted to attend World Harvest Bible College since I was 12. November 2007, I was accepted to the college. October 2008, I had the chance to visit the campus. This visit even more solidified my desire to go. But recently, I have started college here in Florida and have lost that zeal to move to Ohio in August to start the fall session at WHBC. Its not that I don't have the faith that God is going to provide the money for tuition and moving. However I refuse to do the same thing I did with the Honor Academy. I want to finish my degree here in Florida and have the money to move to Ohio and attend. I really dont know what to do right now.

So this has been a snapshot into my heart. To all my friends. Please keep me in your prayers.

The Change

So, while sitting here at school, I started wondering when we as young adults go thru what I like to call "the change".

Its a time that happens with us all when we choose to let go of the superficial things we used to value so much. When it dosent matter if we are with the "cool" crowd anymore. When we desire quality over quantity when it comes to relationships. Some of us take this path instinctively after we realize how short life really is, others take a little longer to get to this path, and then there are those few that still desire to live in that fantasy world where they worship at the altar called "ME".

I encourage you all to take some time to evaluate what path you are on... reflect on the friends you have around you, the relationships you choose to keep and the people that you ignore while on your journey through life.

A NEW CARRRRR!

So tomorrow morning, I will be going to pick up my car... wish me luck. Here is a picture of the car... Ive named her "Zen".

The name just came to me when I was talking to this cab driver (Vince) on my way to my doctor's apointment.

R.I.P

"Timmy" - Toyota 4-runner

"Cindy" - Chevy Caviler

"The Green Monster" - Plymouth Neon

"Betty" -Chevy Beretta

Long live "Zen" the Plymouth Breeze... or at least live long enough for me to be in a place to buy a new car.

On another note. I won the grand prize on 97.9 Kiss FM and i get to fly my best friend (Tasha) back to jax to go see Wicked... I cant frikkin wait to see her. Shes been in chicago since june.

My Elyts Indy Bags

Ladies... Prepare yourselves! I have just purchased a very large amount of fabric and I am prepared to create more of my Elyts Indy Bags (E-I Bags). I have one girl already going to purchase one of my bags. I really hope that I can really start selling my bags to more of my friends.
On a different note, I hopefully have a date tonight. Im gonna have to see because right now, im sleepy and I dont know if i can keep my eyes open anymore. Lack of sleep sucks!

Car Search 2009

Well its that time again, I finally have a little bit of money so im beginning my trek to find a reliable car. Wish me luck.

Wlel its taht tmie aiagn, I fnlaily hvae a ltitle bit of mneoy so im bgieninng my terk to fnid a raiblele car. Wsih me lcuk.

I just wanted to see if that theory is true that we dont process words by reach letter. So I rewrote the words by changing around all the letters in the middle.

Forgotten...

Thats exactly how I have been feeling for the last few weeks. I battle with the thoughts that God is so tired of me messing things up and not really following him that he is thru with trying to deal with me. I mean, I was a screw up at HA, and im just screwing up my life. Im not where I should be in God and I dont know how to get close to him anymore. My heart is broken and I feel so disillusioned with my life. I keep on being on and off about the whole bible college thing. Part of me really knows that I ahould be there and part of me isnt ready to deal with all the junk that will be uncovered in my life. I never realized how strong the grip of depression was on me until now.
I remember back in the day when I would be struggleing with something and there were people in my life that would basically pull me out... forget throwing me a lifesaver, I needed rescueing! And now, I feel like I have swam so far out into the deep end that there's no one that God will send to help pull me back in. I dont like feeling this way, but it is what it is.

Ronda's Irony Of The Week

On my way to class today, I noticed a senior citizen's living facility with more than half of their bedroom windows overlooking a beautiful cemetery. I guess they want the patients to have a great view of where they are moving next.

What I See In The Mirror.

<--- This is how I see myself in the mirror. While part of me knows that my body shape is not like that, there is another part of my thoughts that causes me to believe that I do look like this woman in this picture, rather than what I really look like. Negitave self image is such a hard thing to over come for me. I cant help but to think that if I were to actually lose about 100 lbs and really silm down, I would still see myself as a fat slob. How does one shed those negitive thoughts and start seeing themselves as they truly are?

A Love Song

Son 2:16 My beloved is mine, and I am his.

How can I fall more in love with you?
The one who choose to consider me worthy.
I cast off everything, so I can dance at your feet.
But I cant help to think how much you romance me.
You present me with a sunset hand painted by you.
With a dawn that appears every morning anew.
You present me with things that fascinate my mind.
Yet then you wipe away my tears with your hand so kind.
I’m awestruck, lovestruck, and totally abandoned.
Because of love, your life to me you handed.
So where do I stand?
How can I love you more?
You wrap me in your arms.
Its you I adore.

It's Been A While

So I thought I would at least post an update on my life. Im going into my second week of classes. My online class is kicking my butt and I have recently became overwhelmed with the desire to date. I am nearly 30 and I have only had one boyfriend in my life. That is kinda sad. The highlight if my day today was networking with a really cool local TV personality. I went to an audition and didnt get the part. But I am happy to have gotten a yes or no so quickly. I didnt expect to be chosen anyway... I wasent as prepared as I thought I was. I had not practiced, nor did I warm up my voice before I started singing... I really have no excuse for my lack of preperation. Lesson Learned.

Homemade Purses For $ale

Here are two different types of purses that I can make... the black and pink one is reversible. The pink and brown one is a drawstring tote.

My new crochet hats

I just made these hats over the span of 3 days... Im going to make more of them and sell them for about 10 dollars. Holla at yah girl