Get a match... Light a torch... Burn the boats!

I was recently compelled to look up the term "Fear of Success" because I am trying to figure out whats really holding me back from my dreams of becoming a performer/actor. I read about when the Ancient Greeks would arrive on enemy shores, their first command would be to burn the boats, leaving them stranded on strange enemy land with only two choices... Victory or Die! 


So I have decided that if this is going to be my last year in Orlando before I go back to living a "normal" life then I sure as hell better be able to say that I did everything I could and knocked on every single door before I "Die". Im going to get together a modeling portfolio, hone my acting skills and sing and dance my ass off. 


I see it like this... If I cant make it in Orlando... then I might as well give up L.A.


So while im here in Orlando... Please know that I have burned my boat! I either become an actress/performer or "die" and get a regular job.

Time...... Healing

"It has been said, 'Time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.

-Rose Kennedy

I am in need of healing.

I await the scar tissue.

I need the pain to lift.

I want to be whole again.

I dont want to be jaded.

I want my smile back.

I want the happiness to be real.

I open my heart to growth.

Take me to that place!

I am a dancer.

Who are we? We are dancers.

It’s not our size that determines if we are to dance nor is it our shape that gives you the right to say yay or nay.

Because we dance to be free, to give you new ways to see.

We break down those horrible stereotypes that cause you to say.

Oh she’s too big! But she’s too short! Stop lookin at it that way.

Because the true beauty is within our movements, as we liberate ourselves from sorrow anguish and defeat.

The box is now broken, ceiling… torn off! There is nothing left for you to stop not even our, passion, drive and heart.

So who are we again? We are dancers, with our attitudes pirouettes, step-ball-change and hop…

Who are we you ask, we are dancers now lets take it from the top.

By Sharonda Denise Bruton

Imprinted for life!

I was given the opportunity to speak to my church's youth group this past saturday. I was given the topic of holiness. So with only about 3 days to get something together, I cracked open my bible and ran thru my honor academy notes and went to work. Little did I know that while I was getting this sermon together. I really was preaching to myself. I am in awe as to how God likes to operate because as I was going thru my notes, I started looking back at my Fasting LTE papers and notes and I remember doing a little fill in the blank that read " I must _______ or I will die on the inside" and my fill in the blank read " I must be a speaker or I will die on the inside.". That has been my conviction for a long time, but I have been very successful in ignoring it. But even in that case, what God has imprinted in me, I cannot be silent about.

Jeremiah 20:7-9

Happy to be...

Single... Sexy... Funny... Flirty... And just ME!

I am finally in a place where I have the freedom to do the things that some have only dreamed of. I have been presented with two opportunities to do something really cool in the fall... Im excited!

1: I am still waiting on the status of my internship application with Growing Leaders. If accepted, I will be in Atlanta for fall, and take a few online classes at my college.

(if option 1 does not happen)
2: I will be going down to Orlando, Fl and auditioning for Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights. If I get the job as a scareactor, I will take some part time classes at my college and live in Orlando for 2 months while doing HHN. Mo Money! Mo Money! Mo Money!

I wanna save up my cash for my 30th birthday that I am already planning for. Im thinking of having a theme party, but im not sure the theme yet. Afterwards im taking a vacation to either Cali or Orlando for a week. Because thats how I roll!

I dont know what else to say other than.... Its a good time to be me!

I keep forgetting to stand in the middle of the door before they can slam it in my face.

Audition Woes!!!!

So I went to audition at the Alhambra Dinner Theater and I think I did pretty well however The director told me that it would be hard to cast me because im a big girl... This isn't something new to me... I have heard this for a while, but the sting feels the same no matter who it comes from. I am not in any way swayed by this... There are some big girls out there that are acting up a storm.... there were two of them in "Hairspray". So all im going to do is find my niche. I know I have a lot to offer and thats what im going to do is offer me!
Sharonda Denise Bruton will be a name to remember and for all the good reasons!

Luck Has Nothing To Do With It!

Well its been a while... A whole lot has happened and is happenieng. Finally my life has kinda winded down so I could have the chance to update all my friends. First off I auditioned for a new dating reality show... Im hoping to God that I get the chance to be on the show... In the meantime, I have two theater auditions this week. One for the Alhambra Dinner Theater... Im auditioning for "Annie" and then Im gonna audition for the musical "Hair" with Player By The Sea Theater. Wish me luck guys! im really excited about the opportunity
Love....Peace...And Hairgrease!

It's Been A While.... Spritual Life

So within the past few months me and God have been on another "break". I'm not ashamed to say it because this is where I am at right now. There is a lot of hurt and downheartedness that I am trying to process through. I am so sick and tired of being fake, of acting like my spiritual life is all together. I am sick of being around people that are playing the "fake-it" game with the world just to hide that they are human. I am willing to say to all that listen that I am who I am.

So I have been running away from the altar at my church. What I mean by that is this... Most christians understand when there is an altar call at most churches where God is truly moving that when you go up there for prayer that the power of God is going to meet you there. I mean this is the whole reason why the veil to the Holy of Holies was torn in two in the first place, so that we can have a direct connection to God. And the reason that I have been running is because I have been dealing with a spirit of rejection.... scratch that it has been dealing with me. I have been away from the church that I grew up in for 5 years. I just returned last year in September and have been trying to shake the feeling that I was not wanted there. So every time there has been an altar call, my spirit man has wanted to be up there and be free but my flesh has wanted to just sit there because I didnt want to endure the embarrassment of feeling like no one cared enough to pray for/with me at the altar.

A very important woman in my life, my God-Mother has encouraged me to write. And as hard as it is for me to get my thoughts onto paper, im going to give it a try. This is all in hopes that my friends, family and even strangers will read my writings and see that they aren't alone.

I've recently been torn by a calling I feel has been placed on my life. I have wanted to attend World Harvest Bible College since I was 12. November 2007, I was accepted to the college. October 2008, I had the chance to visit the campus. This visit even more solidified my desire to go. But recently, I have started college here in Florida and have lost that zeal to move to Ohio in August to start the fall session at WHBC. Its not that I don't have the faith that God is going to provide the money for tuition and moving. However I refuse to do the same thing I did with the Honor Academy. I want to finish my degree here in Florida and have the money to move to Ohio and attend. I really dont know what to do right now.

So this has been a snapshot into my heart. To all my friends. Please keep me in your prayers.

The Change

So, while sitting here at school, I started wondering when we as young adults go thru what I like to call "the change".

Its a time that happens with us all when we choose to let go of the superficial things we used to value so much. When it dosent matter if we are with the "cool" crowd anymore. When we desire quality over quantity when it comes to relationships. Some of us take this path instinctively after we realize how short life really is, others take a little longer to get to this path, and then there are those few that still desire to live in that fantasy world where they worship at the altar called "ME".

I encourage you all to take some time to evaluate what path you are on... reflect on the friends you have around you, the relationships you choose to keep and the people that you ignore while on your journey through life.

A NEW CARRRRR!

So tomorrow morning, I will be going to pick up my car... wish me luck. Here is a picture of the car... Ive named her "Zen".

The name just came to me when I was talking to this cab driver (Vince) on my way to my doctor's apointment.

R.I.P

"Timmy" - Toyota 4-runner

"Cindy" - Chevy Caviler

"The Green Monster" - Plymouth Neon

"Betty" -Chevy Beretta

Long live "Zen" the Plymouth Breeze... or at least live long enough for me to be in a place to buy a new car.

On another note. I won the grand prize on 97.9 Kiss FM and i get to fly my best friend (Tasha) back to jax to go see Wicked... I cant frikkin wait to see her. Shes been in chicago since june.

My Elyts Indy Bags

Ladies... Prepare yourselves! I have just purchased a very large amount of fabric and I am prepared to create more of my Elyts Indy Bags (E-I Bags). I have one girl already going to purchase one of my bags. I really hope that I can really start selling my bags to more of my friends.
On a different note, I hopefully have a date tonight. Im gonna have to see because right now, im sleepy and I dont know if i can keep my eyes open anymore. Lack of sleep sucks!

Car Search 2009

Well its that time again, I finally have a little bit of money so im beginning my trek to find a reliable car. Wish me luck.

Wlel its taht tmie aiagn, I fnlaily hvae a ltitle bit of mneoy so im bgieninng my terk to fnid a raiblele car. Wsih me lcuk.

I just wanted to see if that theory is true that we dont process words by reach letter. So I rewrote the words by changing around all the letters in the middle.

Forgotten...

Thats exactly how I have been feeling for the last few weeks. I battle with the thoughts that God is so tired of me messing things up and not really following him that he is thru with trying to deal with me. I mean, I was a screw up at HA, and im just screwing up my life. Im not where I should be in God and I dont know how to get close to him anymore. My heart is broken and I feel so disillusioned with my life. I keep on being on and off about the whole bible college thing. Part of me really knows that I ahould be there and part of me isnt ready to deal with all the junk that will be uncovered in my life. I never realized how strong the grip of depression was on me until now.
I remember back in the day when I would be struggleing with something and there were people in my life that would basically pull me out... forget throwing me a lifesaver, I needed rescueing! And now, I feel like I have swam so far out into the deep end that there's no one that God will send to help pull me back in. I dont like feeling this way, but it is what it is.

Ronda's Irony Of The Week

On my way to class today, I noticed a senior citizen's living facility with more than half of their bedroom windows overlooking a beautiful cemetery. I guess they want the patients to have a great view of where they are moving next.

What I See In The Mirror.

<--- This is how I see myself in the mirror. While part of me knows that my body shape is not like that, there is another part of my thoughts that causes me to believe that I do look like this woman in this picture, rather than what I really look like. Negitave self image is such a hard thing to over come for me. I cant help but to think that if I were to actually lose about 100 lbs and really silm down, I would still see myself as a fat slob. How does one shed those negitive thoughts and start seeing themselves as they truly are?

A Love Song

Son 2:16 My beloved is mine, and I am his.

How can I fall more in love with you?
The one who choose to consider me worthy.
I cast off everything, so I can dance at your feet.
But I cant help to think how much you romance me.
You present me with a sunset hand painted by you.
With a dawn that appears every morning anew.
You present me with things that fascinate my mind.
Yet then you wipe away my tears with your hand so kind.
I’m awestruck, lovestruck, and totally abandoned.
Because of love, your life to me you handed.
So where do I stand?
How can I love you more?
You wrap me in your arms.
Its you I adore.

It's Been A While

So I thought I would at least post an update on my life. Im going into my second week of classes. My online class is kicking my butt and I have recently became overwhelmed with the desire to date. I am nearly 30 and I have only had one boyfriend in my life. That is kinda sad. The highlight if my day today was networking with a really cool local TV personality. I went to an audition and didnt get the part. But I am happy to have gotten a yes or no so quickly. I didnt expect to be chosen anyway... I wasent as prepared as I thought I was. I had not practiced, nor did I warm up my voice before I started singing... I really have no excuse for my lack of preperation. Lesson Learned.

Homemade Purses For $ale

Here are two different types of purses that I can make... the black and pink one is reversible. The pink and brown one is a drawstring tote.

My new crochet hats

I just made these hats over the span of 3 days... Im going to make more of them and sell them for about 10 dollars. Holla at yah girl

Bathroom Photo Session 1.0

So after a creative spark at 2 am in the morning.. I created my first crochet hat... and I have to say... It looks good. So I've decided to create more hats and sell them to friends and online. Im sure there are plenty of people in this world that would love to have a custom made beanie hat or beret. I just gotta start marketing my product and fast. I need the money. Sista girl is broke!

Untitled

She stepped into the room, unaware of the impact she was making. 

Her heart skipped a beat when she realized the risk she was taking. 

A smile of uncertain confidence is what she gives to her guests. 

For she's about to bear her soul to all, leaving nothing to rest. 

But why would she do something this? Be vournable to all those that will hear? 

Because thru this she shall bring healing to those within shot of an ear. 

Unrelenting is her desire to please he who loved her first.

She is granted strength to release all those bound to a generational curse.

For loneliness has been a virtue of hers for to long. 

It is now time for her to rise up and sing her song.

For within the freedom of others is her freedom as well.

And the strength and power to break down the bonds of hell.

Crock Pot vs. High Heat Cooking

I recently came up with this analogy when I was talking to a friend about relationships (Thanks Victor).
Think of how a piece of chicken is cooked using either a crock pot or cooking on high heat.
This analogy parallels the way we try to take a relationship to the next level.

When you put your relationship in the crock pot, you are taking your time, you are letting everything work itself out. You are finding out that person's quirks and mannerisms and you have time to adjust yourself and work out the "flavor" of the relationship. You have time to add a tablespoon of patience, a pinch of selflessness, and a dash of trust. These items are integral parts of a balanced relationship.

However, when you put your relationship in a pan and turn the knob on high, you don't have time to develop the relationship flavor. So even though your relationship looks done on the outside, the inside is uncooked and underdeveloped. There was no time for your seasonings to actually permeate into the core of the relationship. You just end up with burnt seasonings on the outside, and no flavor on the inside.

How many times have we (I include myself as well) done the latter in hopes that we will end up with a crock pot relationship?
I leave you with this... It is not worth it to rush a relationship because you may end up with something that you didn't want in the first place.

A Psalm of Ronda

Rejoice! Oh daughter of Zion
For the Lord our God has considered you!
He has brought you from the wilderness of your soul, and proclaimed you as his own.
Sing and lift praises oh Princess of the most high God.
For it is with eyes of loving kindness that our heavenly father gazes upon you.
Lift up your head and stand proud, oh beautiful one.
Because the Lord sees you where you are and he has called you to greatness.

So arise!

My Honor Academy Mission Statement

As a bondservant and daughter of the most high God, I will go forth to deliver a death blow to the enemy's camp by igniting the sleeping church.

Compelling them to change from being mere benchwarmers to being fire starters for a revival never before seen.

I will cry aloud and spare not, change the world or die trying, because millions are at stake if I choose to let up on the enemy.

Want Ad of a Broken Daughter

Wanted: An Earthly Father.

Qualities include...

Raising me up in a Godly manner

Being an example of what my future husband should be

Is never too busy to spend time with his baby girl

Is loving, caring, and a great listener

Is strong, Disiciplined and a great mentor

Loves his baby girl, loves God more

Seeks and recieves his wisdom from God

Leads me down the path of wisdom daily

Is his daughter's number one fan, and vice versa

Believes his daughter's happiness is his biggest reward

Respects and honors his place as a father and leader

Is the spiritual warrior of the household

Is always prepared with a sholder to cry on

Knows that his failures and disappointments only make him stronger

Is so strong in character that his daughter is led more by his meekness than his hand

Only real men need apply. The competition is fierce. You are up against the greatest father in my life, my heavenly father...God.