I don't know. Maybe those other relationships were not truly love. Maybe they were a figment of my imagination. I do know one thing... It scares the shit out of me that I have fell in love with this man so much so that I don't want to be without him. That I want to be his wife, that I want to have his kids. That I want to have his first son and watch him teach him everything he knows about baseball and take him out to do fun "father/son" things. All this and im scared that I am the only one that wants this in our relationship. I know hes not there yet like I am. He has been down this love road before with some not so good results. And while I believe with all my heart that I could be the one... what if he does not think that I am the one?
I ment to wait at least 6 months before I actually told him that I loved him. However, I ended up professing my love to him at month 4 accompanied with a letter explaining my feelings, trying to appeal to his intellect and not come off as some lovesick puppy or a petulant young girl that does not know what love really is.
Aside from this little issue, I also find myself in yet another relationship with a man that is not fully emotionally and physically available. I don't blame anyone but myself for this situation. Im a big girl and I take full responsibility for relationships, good, bad, or indifferent that I engage in. But I constantly ask myself this question. "Am I settling for a man because I'm worried that I will be alone for the rest of my life?" In this particular case, the answer is no! Its "no" for couple of reasons. One being that I have become more seasoned in my quest for love and I know what I want from a man and what I am willing to concede to within a relationship.
Simple put... My desperation for love ended when I came to the realization that only I can make myself happy. Because when its all said and done and he may choose to jump ship, I will still be content with who I am.
... Are you content with who you are?
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