Have you ever felt deep in your spirit, God calling you to something? Recently I have been feeling in my spirit one word..... Brokenness! And for those of you that have never experienced brokenness, it is not something that you pray for because it will eventually visit you on its own. I find myself humbled every time I go to church and God calls me to the altar to be prayed for. Thoughts running thru my head like "Weren't you just up there last week? Everyone is gonna look down on you! You are gonna be so embarrassed!" But I have seen that God has found a way to change those feelings by placing people around me that I look up to. I was at church Sunday when I felt God call me to the altar, and there was only one other person that was up there. After a few mins of acting like a spiritual 5-year old, telling God I dont wanna. I finally went up there for prayer. Afterwards, I was about to head back to my seat, and I have to tell you that it was such a blessing to me to turn around and see my pastor's wife behind me. She gave me a big hug and told me she loved me. Its been weird, but every time I have went up for prayer, she has came up to me afterwards and hugged me. I think this is God's way of helping me understand that its not always "me against the world" and that thru this process of brokenness, he is surrounding me with strong Godly women as a great support network.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Above all... be broken
Have you ever felt deep in your spirit, God calling you to something? Recently I have been feeling in my spirit one word..... Brokenness! And for those of you that have never experienced brokenness, it is not something that you pray for because it will eventually visit you on its own. I find myself humbled every time I go to church and God calls me to the altar to be prayed for. Thoughts running thru my head like "Weren't you just up there last week? Everyone is gonna look down on you! You are gonna be so embarrassed!" But I have seen that God has found a way to change those feelings by placing people around me that I look up to. I was at church Sunday when I felt God call me to the altar, and there was only one other person that was up there. After a few mins of acting like a spiritual 5-year old, telling God I dont wanna. I finally went up there for prayer. Afterwards, I was about to head back to my seat, and I have to tell you that it was such a blessing to me to turn around and see my pastor's wife behind me. She gave me a big hug and told me she loved me. Its been weird, but every time I have went up for prayer, she has came up to me afterwards and hugged me. I think this is God's way of helping me understand that its not always "me against the world" and that thru this process of brokenness, he is surrounding me with strong Godly women as a great support network.
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I've always been in awe of the people that go up to the altar. What bravery, what humility. I realize that it is the Holy Spirit that makes people go up. I've always felt embarrassment, even shame, at times. But every time I go up, I realize that I should never be ashamed to call on the Lord.
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